Irrelevant Jack 2 Read online

  As they moved from ship to ship, Alt floated back to keep pace with Jack and spoke directly into his head so Lex and Thymus couldn’t hear.

  “Now that you mention it, I might be able to make some changes that affect the behavior of enemy loot drops while you are inside the Tower.”

  Jack sent his friend a mental question mark.

  “On my next complexity upgrade, I believe I can force all drops to simply appear in your inventory. You’d still need to loot chests, however.”

  At first, it sounded perfect, yet the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to talk it over with the others first. They probably would be fine with the change, but there was just something about the act of snatching everything before anyone got a look at what dropped.

  “I understand,” Alt said in his mind. “But it’s not an all-or-nothing choice. You’ve got access to a highly configurable cheat system, Jack. Perhaps it’s only active for the first ten Floors? Or only blades? Whatever you decide, I’m only attempting to make the process of saving every universe easier on you.”

  Jack shot his eyes over to the action as two pirates dispatched the naval officer they’d been fighting. Thymus erased one by sending his spinning galaxy of purple energy across the water to the next ship, and his black-bearded shipmate roared as he sprinted toward the long planks leading directly to the mage.

  Thymus had no armor, and he looked much too old to be dodging the flashing steel of this berserk pirate. Jack’s brain knew that damage dealt in the Tower obeyed the bizarre videogame physics and that the frail wizard could probably take a dozen savage slices from this Floor 1 enemy before they had to worry. But he held his breath anyway.

  The Arcane Mage calmly held up his hand again and sent out a second blast of energy.

  High Seas Pirate -72 | Defeated

  “Can you just keep shooting magic clouds until you run out of mana?” Jack asked, stepping up behind the mage.

  Thymus turned, his gray hair flapping about his head. “Unfortunately, no. The ability is called Arcane Disk, and at my current Path level, I can expel two charges- each needing time to build up power before I am able to cast another.”

  Jack was trying to envision what he meant when an info panel popped up in his face.

  “Would it help if I showed you his skill?” Alt said telepathically.

  Carved at the top of the black lacquer panel of painted wood, was what appeared to be exposed code followed by someone else’s ability information.

  write.player_14(UI(npc_Thymus.PATH_001))

  PATH Arcane Mage [2]

  ► Arcane Disk - [Activated Charge x2 | 10 second recharge | 8 Mana | Dmg: Magic Power +10]

  ~ Draw in and expel the power of the cosmos. Needs to recharge. More charges at higher Path levels.

  break();

  “Nice,” Jack said out loud, addressing everyone. “Never seen charges before. Please continue to disk these pirates to pieces.”

  The old mage nodded before turning toward the next boat in the interlocked flotilla.

  “Actually,” Jack amended, and everyone stopped. “Let me tag the next one so I can add these pirates to my summon list.”

  He always felt uncomfortable capturing pure humanoids with his Mining Laser.

  “Ah- yes,” Thymus said, moving aside so Jack could cross first. “I’d very much like to observe this channeled spell from a sword you’ve mentioned.”

  Jack stepped along the boards lying across the water below and hopped onto the next flaming boat. This one was listing to the side and apparently taking on water. He’d never seen the path through a Floor become impassable, but he had also learned to expect absolutely anything from this ever-changing Tower.

  “Arrgh!” The pirate claimed victory as he stabbed the naval officer through the chest. Every time someone approached one of the swashbuckling sword duels, a pirate would suddenly win, and it felt as if he were watching a play or on a ride in a haunted house. The fact that these brainless pirates were acting like automatons made it easier to suck up their digital soul.

  When he was within about 20 yards, Jack held out his deadly blade and pointed at this Floor’s monster type. With the slightest hint of intention, a beam of searing orange energy burst from its tip and lanced outward, instantly engulfing the pirate in flames.

  High Seas Pirate -55 | Defeated

  The human bonfire snuffed out in a curl of smoke as the foe was reduced to fading static.

  A dagger dropped to the deck from its passing, and Jack felt a small wave of excitement. Even at this lowest of Floors, every blade was an incremental upgrade for his cheating sword. After retrieving the dropped item and merging it with his weapon, he cast his eyes over to the sharp sword clutched in his fist and activated the item’s stat panel.

  ARV Alternis - [Sword | Value: 11,002/15,000]

  | Dmg: 55 |

  | Def: 15 |

  | Hit Chance +0.10 |

  | Crit Chance +0.20 |

  | HP + 15 |

  | MP + 30 |

  | Magic Power + 7 |

  | 25% chance to heal 1 HP on kill |

  | +1 Sneak |

  If they finished Floor 24 today and continued to push one Floor higher each day after that, it would still be a few more days before Alt would get enough value-

  “Astounding!” Thymus said from nearby, breaking Jack out of his calculations. He was surprised to see the mage so close. “I saw your damage! And you can Channel that ability?”

  “I can,” he said as he pointed at his spaceship friend floating nearby, “and now I can do this.” With a thought, Jack brought up his ever-growing list of summonable monsters. He selected the last option and activated his Alter Alt ability.

  The miniature science vessel that represented the computer they all existed within flashed brightly before morphing into a High Seas Pirate- scimitar and all.

  “Respawn!” Thymus yelled and brought up his hand. Before Jack could say anything to stop him, the old man summoned a five-foot silver obelisk with a perfectly polished orb of metal at the top. This was Thymus’ other high-damage ability. His Lightning Turret.

  Jack and Lex cringed, anticipating the powerful burst of electricity that would knock Alt out of commission for the entire rest of the day-

  But nothing happened.

  - 2 -

  The greasy pirate standing on the deck with the three Heroes was the only one who remained calm before Thymus’ heavy-duty Lightning Turret. When Alt took the form of an enemy with a human face, he usually had a neutral, half-amused look on his borrowed features, but a playful smirk currently spread across his cracked and weathered lips.

  “Although I’d rather not be attacked at all,” the pirate began in Alt’s voice, “I’m still Jack’s minion and not a valid target for this ability.”

  Jack looked over to see Thymus’ jaw clenching and his pale cheeks flushing an angry red.

  “I may have overreacted,” the mage said quietly, a distant look in his eyes.

  Lex crossed her arms. “Maybe… Or maybe Jack shouldn’t have just summoned an exact copy of the Floor’s monster without warning.”

  Jack shrugged. “Hey, this is why we’re doing this now, down on the first Floor.” He reached out to touch the perfectly smooth sphere near the top of the turret’s tapered pedestal. The whole magical structure hummed under his fingertips with pent-up power. “No one got hurt,” Jack added while giving the Lightning Turret a firm push. It didn’t budge, and he inspected its flared-out base where it fused with the wooden deck. This thing wasn’t going anywhere.

  Jack turned back to Thymus. “I’d love to learn about these. What did this cost you? Is it another Activate Charge type skill?”

  “I am allowed one summoned turret at any given time. After ten minutes, this one will disappear.” The mage looked dejected, and Jack put his hand on the man’s bony shoulder.

  “Relax, we’ve got all day to sort this out, and since we’re all so badass, the first few Floors will be a breeze. Plenty
of time to work out the kinks.”

  Thymus’ eyes went wide, and a small smile grew on his thin lips.

  “Bad ass?”

  “It’s not an insult,” Lex clarified.

  Thymus chuckled. “No, I gathered that from the context.”

  Jack mirrored the old mage’s smile. “I can’t wait to see this thing zap something again. Let’s see if we can get to the next Floor before the ten minutes are up!”

  Thymus hiked up his blue robes and high-tailed it toward the next clump of eternally fighting enemies. Lex put her hand on Jack’s arm and gave him a nod before she moved after Thymus as if she were a parent running along the sidelines at the first day of soccer practice.

  “Remember to let me tag the Floor Boss!” Jack yelled after the determined mage. Then he turned to pirate-Alt and spoke quietly. “Hang back at the rear for the rest of the Floor. Okay, buddy?”

  Alt dipped his red bandana-wrapped head in acknowledgment and waited for the group to get a few boats ahead before following.

  Four more bridge crossings and six more High Seas Pirates later, they came to the last boat in the line. There weren’t any other open paths, and Jack was wondering if they’d have to figure a way across the water when he noticed the Boss’s Exit Orb up on the poopdeck, where the steering wheel would be.

  “I think-” Jack started but snapped his jaw shut when the smoldering wooden galleon began to rock under his boots. The sound of rushing water drew everyone’s attention to the side of the boat where a colossal creature that looked to be a mix between a lion and a rhinoceros rose from the dark depths below.

  A black, suction cup-covered tentacle the size of a telephone pole flopped onto the deck, and Jack heard the crunching of sun-bleached wood all around him.

  If this really had been his first Floor ever, would he have even survived?

  Before the bizarre sea monster completely emerged, Jack leveled his sword at the hairy nightmare from below and vaporized it with a one-second blast.

  Floor 1 Boss -55 | Defeated

  The Boss Chest and the Floor 2 door promptly appeared near the prow of the vessel, and Jack went to loot it, his brain on autopilot. There were no blades, so he just pulled it all to his inventory.

  “Why capture these to summon later?” Thymus asked, leaning on his staff. “Surely, Floor 1 foes prove ineffective further up the Tower. Unless I am lacking a crucial piece of information…”

  “The re-summoned monster’s stats scale with Jack’s blade,” Lex said.

  “Besides,” Jack added, “I’d rather have a huge sea monster and not need it- you know?” He didn’t wait for a response and reached out for the iron ring affixed to the free-standing wooden door to Floor 2.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  They both nodded, and Jack sent them up to the next Floor.

  After the pure-white everything washed from his senses, he found himself under clear blue skies and warm, soupy air. All around them were rusted cars, but they had a strange cube-like design. Jack placed the Floor 2 layout as an abandoned scrapyard.

  Everything appeared to have sat outside in this heat and humidity for many years. Heaping piles of wreckage circled a central area where grassy trails curved outward between the automotive garbage. Bright-orange rust clashed pleasantly with the lush green grass covering the ground and the rich blue sky above. Behind them, the Exit Orb pulsed faintly, poking up through the trunk of a compressed vehicle. Jack rocked side-to-side on his feet, feeling the soft blades of grass under his boots. He’d fallen into a habit of acclimating himself to the footing on a new Floor the moment he entered.

  “Do either of you two recognize these objects?” Jack asked, expecting a no.

  “No,” Lex mumbled, fascinated by what she saw. “Is this a kind of art?”

  “There’s far too much of it to be art,” Thymus said with a scholarly tone.

  “They are abandoned machines from my world,” Jack said. “They look misshapen to me though. Even the older, pure metal cars were sleeker than these. And the steering wheel is in the middle.”

  “Fascinating,” Pirate-Alt said. “Where did you place your steering wheels, if not in the center?”

  Jack walked up to one of the rusty vehicles that looked the least damaged. The black rubber tires were melted to its rim, and inside he saw the final rotting scraps of grey cloth that once covered the single front seat.

  “Off-center, to the left… or right- depending where you lived.”

  “Was this design choice due to the rotation of your Earth?” Alt asked, stepping up and inspecting the car. “Was its position based on traveling in the north or south hemisphere?”

  Jack shook his head. “What? No. I think it was just so two people could ride up front.”

  “Wouldn’t that lead to distracted drivers?”

  Lex cleared her throat impatiently, and both Jack and pirate-Alt turned from the car to face her, but the moment they did, a pile of rusty junk dislodged itself from the heap above and swiped at Jack, digging into his shoulder.

  Jack -4 | HP 259/263

  The pain was intense but brief, and Jack drew his blade in time to deflect a second attack. Pirate-Alt jumped backward as sparks flew from Jack’s swift counterattack.

  Living Wreckage -55 | Defeated

  The metal junk crawling out of the rubble had begun to take a vaguely humanoid shape but fell to lifeless trash when Jack’s blade sliced into its box-like head. The monster’s corroded parts rained down, bouncing off the side of the car and then faded into buzzing static, vanishing before they hit the ground.

  “Damn,” Jack mumbled. “I want to see that turret in action.”

  Lex scanned the ancient junkyard as she spoke. “I’m sure there’ll be more monsters ahead of us. The way these enemies pop out, we might want to save it for the Floor Boss.”

  “I for one am very interested in hearing all there is to know about this other world the two of you hail from. Everything said before the attack was both utter nonsense and intrinsically realistic. What greater pleasure is there than understanding?”

  Pirate-Alt sheathed his scimitar and said, “I think Thymus and I will get along well.”

  Jack sighed. “We’ve got plenty of time to learn about our worlds and many Floors ahead. But Lex is right about the turret. Let’s start solidifying our standard group tactics right now… while we can make mistakes. Most of the time we’ll probably want you to save your silver lightning rod for the Boss anyway.”

  He got nods from everyone then continued. “Before we get to that though… with a wave of my hand, that pirate is now a sea monster!” Jack activated his Alter Alt ability, and after a flash, a many-tentacled creature the size of a lion appeared where the High Seas Pirate had been a moment ago. Alt’s new bizarre new form had a stringy gray mane around his monster face, but his beady eyes still held his customary amused impassiveness.

  Jack looked over to see how Thymus was handling this and found that the older man was grinning ear to ear. Lex, however, had her eyes locked on his, her darker brow coming down slightly.

  “I don’t believe that will ever not be amazing,” the old wizard said. “What sort of fighting power does this creature now have?”

  Alt answered, his normal voice coming out of the horned creature’s fang-filled snout.

  “I now have a satisfactory amount of hit points, and I can constrict foes in my tentacles for Jack’s Main Hand damage, times two, plus ten. Which comes out to 120 every two seconds.” Alt lifted one of his ropey appendages and made a loop to demonstrate. “But I have almost no dodge or defense and probably wouldn’t last long-term over multiple melee-range encounters.”

  Jack nodded. “Great, now let’s form up and treat this Floor like it’s Floor 100. Lex, you’re in front with me at your flank. Sea Rhinoceros and Thymus, stay close and watch for surprise attacks from behind. Save your Mana and HPs. Only take any rusty monsters that the Bastion and I can’t engage first.”

  Lex took a step closer to Jac
k, and he saw appreciation in her large golden eyes.

  “Hugging the left side,” she announced before turning to scour Floor 2. When the next junkyard monster pulled itself together out of the wreckage, Jack destroyed it with his Mining Laser and added it to his long list of options.

  As the group methodically moved along the grassy paths, easily clearing out every rusty foe that emerged, they eventually spotted a bus-sized black panther lying in an open area with a silver chain around its neck. Behind it was a painted, wooden dog house the size of an actual house. The chain didn’t appear to be connected to anything, and the enormous cat looked like it was playing the role of junkyard dog.

  They moved past the sleeping beast and continued to loot the entire Floor. They were only going to get about 53 total value, but it added up fast, and every item was worth picking up. Time had less meaning for them while inside the Tower, and Jack never felt hungry or thirsty either. There was no reason not to absolutely nab everything they could. Once it seemed as if they’d explored the entire junkyard and opened all the chests, they were ready to face the Floor 2 Boss.

  “Okay,” Jack began quietly as they stood about thirty yards away, peeking around a stack of corroded vehicles. “Lex is going to run out there and get its attention and take some hits while Thymus rushes in and plops down a turret. I’ve already got a black panther in my summon list. Not a giant one, but- uh, size doesn’t seem to matter.”

  A snort from Alt’s tentacle monster face pulled Jack’s attention. He gave his artificially intelligent friend a wink and continued. “The turret should wipe it out in one hit, but this’ll be good practice. Ready?”

  They all were, so Lex hefted her shield then ran out to wake the sleeping Boss. Jack watched as the big cat’s yellow eyes shot open and focused on the relatively small Bastion running at its face, its irises narrowing to slits. With a leisurely yawn that ended with a rumbling roar, the beast stood and padded its huge paws forward to meet Lex as she approached.

  Once the panther had locked onto their leather-clad party member, Thymus sprinted out to carry out his part of the plan, his blue robes fluttering around his feet.